I know you've missed me but....

...I have been enjoying my two weeks off of work with my adorable darling husband. Right now I don't know why I am up at this ungodly hour, oh wait...it is because my husband just now came to bed which woke me up entirely. His routine tends to do that with the washing of the face, showering, hair routine, and turning on the television to a blaring volume just to fall asleep watching it. But...to know him is to love him and boy do I sure love him.

Nothing new going on in the ttc area. I am beginning to get EWCM which I normally do around this time so although we are preparing for the next cycle we will still give a wholehearted attempt at this cycle naturally. Let's give it up for ole' fashioned babymaking s-e-x...Can I get a whoop whoop?

And ironically enough I am also planning my SIL's baby shower in February. How did I get so lucky you ask? Well first of all because I am just the sweetest person ever (honk, honk) and secondly because I don't know if anyone else would have done it if I didn't mention it and lastly because I just love placing myself in the fertile presence of my 7 month pregnant SIL every chance I get. Let me just tell you...the sheer torture of hosting the baby shower in the same month as my IUI is causing me to wonder if I am loosing my mind these days. I think we all know the answer to that!

So I have to figure out a way to strategic plan the shower around the weekend that I may need to get the IUI done. I am sure it's workable. I won't stress out. Breath in, breath out, relaaaax. So thank you blogger world for dealing with my ramblings. Oh and more good news...I will be placing videos on my blog documenting the IUI in all of its glory. Best of all..it will be totally unscripted! The good, bad, and ugly...stay tuned!

Ladies and Gentlemen...We have A Plan!

Unfortunately that plan won't take effect until my next cycle...such is life.

We went to the RE's office today. Our appointment was at 11 but they didn't call us back until 11:20 or later. I was afraid to look at the time for fear that I would go slap off on someone. Hey...give me a break, I have my period. Anyway they called us back and they took my vitals. Anyone who knows why they took my vitals for a consult appointment please feel free to elaborate! After that we went in to speak with Dr. M.

Dr. M is a nice character. He is very down to earth and I like him a lot. Hubby likes him too. He went over our history and our latest results. Everything looked okay and he gave us his recommendation. The recommendation was pretty much what I expected but for entertainment purposes I will take you through the protocol.

When AF arrives I will begin Clomid for CD3 - CD7. They will bring me back on CD12 for a follicle scan. If everything looks good they will prescribe the Hcg trigger and we will do a double...yes double IUI. So freakin' exciting! The doctor said that he expects that I will respond just fine to 50mg of Clomid since my body is doing some form of ovulation on its own anyway. He discussed multiples and SR and that is where Babe starts freaking out.

Babe says I don't want to do any type of reduction and the Dr. is tickled pink b/c I don't think he ever got that reaction out of a male client before. Babe was extreamly concerned with the whole "risk of multiples and SR" thing but I reassured him that we probably won't even have to worry about it. (Although I am almost sure we will end up with twins since we are stimming and there are twins on both my mother and fathers side of the family).

So all in all it was a good consult and we are just saving our dollars and waiting for the next cycle. Pretty freaked out about that whole shot thing but I am sure it won't be nearly as bad as I am envisioning. We are almost there people! We are so close to getting that BFP...I know it...I can feel it...I believe it!

CD1...AGAIN!!!

Well the witch finally showed her face. I just wish I had not have wasted that pregnancy test. I already knew that I wasn't pregnant but I just let my emotions get the best of me. I won't let that happen again though. It's funny in a way because I used to be so optimistic about things. Now I just struggle to see the positive in all of this. I do know deep down inside that there is a light at the end of this long dark tunnel.

This was officially our 6th consecutive cycle of ttc since Babe came back from California. Technically we could try for 6 more months but we don't really have to b/c we have already been labled as infertile. We have been through all of the testing and we really have been fortunate to have been able to see a specialist early on in the game. I know I couldn't deal with 6 more months of this. Hopefully I won't have to.

I have been thinking about my blog lately and I think it would be more interesting if I also did video clips of my journey. So I will work on that. Hopefully my journey will be of inspiration to someone else. And of course with every negative thing that occurs there is always something positive to counter balance things. On a positive note the arrival of AF brings a new cycle. A medicated cycle. A cycle of hope. A cycle which I am praying will end in a pregnancy.

I think my body and AF have a thing together...

Either that or God just thinks it is hilarious to torture me every month. No wait..I know...it is because AF is just plain ole mean. She's a mean witch! Yep...

The spotting is gone. It was only a few spots once...yesterday at that. I put a tampon in just to be on the safe side and when I removed it...just a bit of brownish-errrr pinkish colored blood. Now I am spending my time obsessing over if this has happened before. I have come to the conclusion that yes it has just not in this manner. I have spotted before AF. It is usually on and off but pretty consistant. Once, the spotting stopped for a day or so and then AF didn't come until the evening...just when I thought I may have missed her. I don't know why my body does this to me.

The thing is she shouldn't get my hopes up like that. It's cruel! I was pretty darn sure the spotting was a prelude to AF. I even had mom pick me up some tampons from the store yesterday. I don't want to get my hopes up. I am very very very scared! For once I didn't stress during the TWW because I knew we failed this cycle with everything going on. The testing and preparing for the next round. Accepting that I need med's in order to properly ovulate. Planning for the IUI in February. Now it seems like it may be a possibility that it worked. Maybe we made a baby????

Babe took me to Walgreens to get pee sticks. He wants to know as bad as I do. Of course it is way too close to Christmas for me to not make that a gift to him if I am pregnant. So tomorrow as I am out and about I will pick up some things to make my gift up....you know just in case. RE appt. still scheduled for Wednesday. Maybe I won't have to go. Maybe God is creating a miracle within me. Because we all know...that certainly would be a miracle!

BFP for Christmas?...Unfortunately Not

It is much worse when you don't expect her to come for another few days. I had some hopes of testing and seeing that BFP for Christmas. I was daydreaming about how I could present the good news to Babe. Even though I knew deep down inside this cycle was a bust it still sucks. I slept most of the morning b/c I was exausted from the weeks prior events...Christmas parties galore and roasting 9 1/2 Lbs of Pecans and Walnuts for orders.

I was at my moms house when she showed. I went to the BR and there she was. Not in all her glory but still enough for me to know that she would arrive between tonight and tomorrow. :SIGH: It's funny ya know. No matter how many times you experience a failed cycle it is still rather disturbing every time.

So it's on to the next cycle. I believe that the RE will have me start Clomid on Wednesday. I am sort of excited to be starting a new cycle. If things work out money wise we may be able to get the IUI done this cycle. We'll see though....

Partial Ovulation?

I received a call from Dr. M's office this morning. They told me that Babe's culture(s)...yes plural, came back negative for infection. This is good news! I asked them about my progesterone and they said the level came back at 8.4. Now I have heard some conflicting information about what this means. I have heard that greater than 5 or 6 means ovulation occured. According to fertility plus...

"A level over 5 probably indicates some form of ovulation, but most doctors want to see a level over 10 on a natural cycle, and a level over 15 on a medicated cycle".

So I don't know exactly what is going on with my body but looks like I partially ovulated...Great! (I'm being sarcastic by the way). I guess it just confirms what the doctors think. I am ovulating but not well enough to become pregnant. The good news in all of this is that I will find out what the doctor thinks about all of this and we will leave with a plan. Finally...making some headway.

Murphy's Law

Who is Murphy and why did he even go there with that stupid law. It is true though. Prime example...Babe and I have been planning to do this procedure for months now. It's our "Plan B". I have been mentioning to him that we need to save for it. Well low and behold guess what happens. He tells me last night that he won't have the money to do the procedure in January. Was I mad? Yes. Is there a better unforseen reason this happened? Yet to be determined.

We don't know what Dr. M wants us to do anyway and AF is due either Monday or Tuesday of next week. We don't see Dr. M until Wednesday (Yep Christmas Eve) so if he wants me to take Clomid this cycle he will pretty much have to call it in that day. He may very well just want us to try a natural cycle of Clomid to see how I respond in which case we wouldn't have done the IUI until Feb anyway. I hope this is God's way of directing us. Maybe a miracle will happen while on the Clomid au natural cycle.

In other news: Our job has decided to give us the two days before Christmas Eve off! Normally, Babe ends up having those days before Christmas off and I end up working until Christmas Eve. So what am I going to do with myself? Who knows! I am just so darn excited.

A different two week wait

All of us in the ttc world know that we are just one more "two week wait" away from happiness. Ahhh, the two week wait... It is neverending. It is trecherous. It is plain insanity. We begin by figuring out how many DPO we are. We then count the days until implantation. We mull over what symptoms we should and should not be feeling starting at 7DPO. We do the TP Tango. We squeeze and poke our breast. We swear that nausea has hit and that farting is a definite sign. We analyze every twinge. We buy anywhere from 5-10 dollar store pregnancy test or internet cheapies only to begin testing at 8DPO only 1DPO past when implantation should occur. We try to hold out hope that each negative we see is because it is "too early". For some there is a light at the end as they marvel at that second line. But for many others like me...we wipe back the tears, toss the one lined test in the trash, and begin all over again. PURE.UTTER.INSANITY!

This month however, I am experiencing a different two week wait. One that is not nearly as crazy but still nervewracking. In exactly two weeks Babe and I will enter Dr. M's office and face our destiny. We will finally hear what we already know is true. We will initiate "Plan B". Dr. M wants to discuss our treatment options and that is both scary and relieving. This two week wait will bring answers, solutions, and change. For once I feel like this is..The last two week wait before my last two week wait!

Now I know that nothing is guarenteed. I know that one IUI may not bring us our desired pregnancy. I know that just because we spend $600 and opt for more aggressive treatment doesn't entitle us to anything. But By God at least we are getting somewhere. Somewhere other than trying month after month with no positive results. I pray that this IUI will work for us. That God will see it fit for us to become pregnant. That this is the "one" time that the fertile world has been raving over. This is our time!

Conception School Dropouts!

I have such slacker organs! Aside from that Babe has slacker swimmers. So when you put the two together what do you get? Yeah...I could shoot the person who told me that "it only takes one time". Well if that is the case then why aren't we pregnant already? So here is the latest update...from my lazy ovaries to you.

I have not ovulated as of yesterday which was CD14 and I had no dominant follicles so it looks as if I am not going to O at all or it may be a poor ovulation. Babe's s/a came back okay but still subpar. Volume was the same as last time but count was pretty good @ 60 Mill. Motility much better at 43% and morph slightly better at 6.5%. The RE tells us we have graduated from IVF to IUI which is much more cost effective for us. All in all we are a pretty subfertile couple but nothing that a little modern medicine can't fix.

We have another appt. on Christmas Eve to discuss treatment options and costs. I am assuming that we will discuss a Clomid/IUI cycle for the next go round. I just can't wait to be taking action on "Plan B". I mean yes it could be several failed attempts before we get our BFP but ultimately we will get our baby! I feel so excited that pregnancy is right around the corner for us as it has already been such a long haul already. God is still good!

Spoke Way To Dang Soon

Just as I thought Babe and I would have a relaxing stress free weekend full of baby making my biotch of a body wants to overperform and cause me to O early...at least I fear this is what is happening. OK before you go getting all "You know how obsessive and freaked out you become over nothing" on me hear me out.

I usually get EWCM around CD10 and O on CD14/15. Well this cycle I began getting EWCM on CD8 and today I have tons and the telltale sign of ovaries pinching like a crab on a sunny afternoon. Well I called the RE's office and of course Nurse C tells me to do the one thing I hoped I wouldn't have to do this weekend....Use the OPK's and look for the surge. CRAPOLA!

So now I will be spending my weekend stressed out about detecting the surge because Lord help me if I do then Nurse C says we have to cancel the appointment. Double Crapola! The good news is that Babe will still go for his "date with the cup" and they can still use this cycle to tell me how good I O'd by taking my progesterone in about a week.

My friend B said it best to me this morning...My body is a BITCH!

Rashes and Rationalizations

I broke out in a rash on Monday night. I don't know if it was something I ate or if it was my new body wash (which I would like to mention that I have been using since last Wednesday with no problems) but either way it sucked! I was watching Saw IV on my computer and I just started itching. I went to the bathroom and I was all broken out and red and I had swollen bumps on my legs, upper and lower back, hips...uh pretty much everywhere. I took benadryl, rubbed cortizone cream all over, and took the day off work. I feel much better.

I asked Babe if he felt like we were rushing into things with the IUI. I feel like we may be rushing God and that we should just wait on him. At the same time I know that I don't want to pretend that everything is fine when there could be a problem. I am torn really. Babe really didn't help much. He just told me to pray...Thanks honey.

I figured that we would do this appointment on Monday and if they say that everything checks out with Babe and the boys and all is well with my blood work results then we will not proceed with "Plan B"...at least for now. As hard as it will be I will try to give it a full consecutive year. Which means trying on our own until July. If the results come back subpar for either Babe or myself...well it's on to "Plan B". That is the best way to rationalize this whole ordeal.

In the meantime Babe and I will enjoy each other without the pressures of "trying" this month. I can say that only because I will basically know when I am O'ing because of the RE appt. so I can pretty much cheat this cycle. Well I am okay with that especially since I have been working so hard these past few cycles.

Forgot to mention...

...Babe and I went on a date night Saturday. While we were in the mall he told me that his UR told him that we need to relax. He said that him and his wife had been trying for years and then they went on a cruise and whammo...9 months later they had a son. Which I must mention was their only son. So why did this bother me so much you ask?

Well mainly because it is an actual medical professional telling us to relax. Two because...HELLO you are supposed to be figuring out why we aren't getting pregnant. Three because...ummm yeah obviously if it were really that simple then people would be pregnant all the time. And lastly because come on you are a urologist that specializes in infertility...Show a little compassion man!

The sad part in it all is that Babe actualy felt confident in that tidbit of advice and I am actually starting to believe that maybe if we just relax....yeah whatever....

Somthing to look forward to

Right now Babe and I are in that "waiting" period. Waiting to O, waiting for his S/A, waiting for my U/S appt, waiting for a baby, waiting....waiting....waiting. I honestly think this is the worst wait EVER...Yes even as worse as the TWW. So as I am thinking about how I am going to pass the time I realize that he and I actually have something to look forward to.

Babe has never seen me get an ultrasound done during my fertile period. Well he has but since my ovaries were very cystic at the time it really wasn't very interesting. So I find it quite amusing that he will actually get to experience the joy of "the wand" AND see how many eggs his swimmers could potentially fertilize them. It will be the highlight of our day to say the least.

On another note: I feel really bad about Babe having to make his deposit this time around. I mean poor guy...I wonder if I should go in to assist this time around. Maybe it won't take an hour. I'm thinking Demi Moore...Ya know...Strip Tease! I will admit though I am not to keen on having a needle dug into my veins at 7:00 in the morning. :Sigh: whatever it takes I guess.

And so...the countdown begins. 6 days until my next RE appointment!