I will tell you why. Because last night I felt the strongest O pains in my life (other than when I am on Clomid) and Babe decided that he was too tired and that his neck hurt too bad to BD. WTH? So I did the only thing there was left to do...said "fine" and went to bed.
I don't know why I am so pissed anyway. It's not like we were really going to get pregnant this time. I guess that little four letter word called "hope" crept into my life while I was busy doing other things. Sometimes I hate that word. I feel like my life is better without it...well when it relates to babymakin' and such.
Of course my EWCM is drying up so I know that I did O already and everytime I think about it I just get so upset. Just for the simple fact that we didn't try when we could have. And for the fact that yet another month passes me by and I am STILL.NOT.PREGNANT! When will this madness end already?
I really wish God would just have mercy on me with this one. I really don't ask for much and I don't think that asking for a family is wrong or out of his will. I just don't know anymore. I am so tired of this struggle and I long for the day when it is over. I'm angry and hurt and just plain sad.
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3 comments:
I'm so sorry sweetie... I hate when they get like that... we're always thinking about the end result even though we're "tired" but they always forget to keep their eye on the prize. ((((HUGS))))
I was blog hopping and came across your blog.
I am so sorry that this cycle and timing did not work out. I hate it when it seems as though my DH and I aren't on the same page. I mean getting pregnant is every other thought of mine so I expect DH to be thinking about it just as much.
Keep the "hope" because it is all that keeps me going on the days that really suck and I ask the "Why Me?" question.
Tina
I found your blog through Tina, and I wanted to say sorry that this cycle wasn't it! I know how much it hurts to have hope and then for it to come crumbling down on you but keep your chin up and continue to have hope because without it we have nothing!
YOU WROTE: I really wish God would just have mercy on me with this one. I really don't ask for much and I don't think that asking for a family is wrong or out of his will. I just don't know anymore. I am so tired of this struggle and I long for the day when it is over. I'm angry and hurt and just plain sad.
MY THOUGHTS: I was feeling the same way a few weeks ago. I don't think it is too much to ask for. I don't understand why we have to beg God for mercy on us when there are those who get pregnant who shouldn't. Big hugs!
If you don't mind, I am going to follow your journey and cheer you on until you get that BFP!!! :)
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