It's not like we really had a chance anyway...so why am I so pissed?

I will tell you why. Because last night I felt the strongest O pains in my life (other than when I am on Clomid) and Babe decided that he was too tired and that his neck hurt too bad to BD. WTH? So I did the only thing there was left to do...said "fine" and went to bed.

I don't know why I am so pissed anyway. It's not like we were really going to get pregnant this time. I guess that little four letter word called "hope" crept into my life while I was busy doing other things. Sometimes I hate that word. I feel like my life is better without it...well when it relates to babymakin' and such.

Of course my EWCM is drying up so I know that I did O already and everytime I think about it I just get so upset. Just for the simple fact that we didn't try when we could have. And for the fact that yet another month passes me by and I am STILL.NOT.PREGNANT! When will this madness end already?

I really wish God would just have mercy on me with this one. I really don't ask for much and I don't think that asking for a family is wrong or out of his will. I just don't know anymore. I am so tired of this struggle and I long for the day when it is over. I'm angry and hurt and just plain sad.

Spotting and Such...

I started spotting last night which is not good at this point in the game. I wish I could stay positive and give you all good news. I wish this could have been a post about how I POAS and saw two beautiful lines..but it is not.

I did POAS yesterday and there was obviously...only one line. Proceed with spotting yields AF's arrival. I am beyond myself as to why after a perfect cycle did I not get the desired results. Three eggs and 8 million sperm placed right at their doorstep and still..nothing.

I don't know where we will go from here. We have one more attempt before the doctor will say no more IUI's. I can't believe we have already done two. I have mixed feelings mostly desperation because of the fact that we may be in that rare percent that doesn't benefit from an IUI. God where will we go when we have no money for IVF.

I guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it. More detail tomorrow after I take my final HPT. Prayers are requested!

The Results Are In

My progesterone level was at 26.9 which is good considering I had 3 mature eggs. Now we wait....

And just for kicks my symptoms so far:

• Major activity in my lower abdomen including dull cramps,twinges, pricks, heaviness, and just overall weirdness.
• Sore breasts including the nipples
• Constipation
• Increased thirst