Have any of you looked in the dictionary lately under the word irony? Yeah...tell me was my picture there? No...seriously was my picture there? I'll bet you it was because apparently my life it the epitomy of irony. Today was the motherload of all ironic situations. I.AM.SPEECHLESS.
For you see today I had decided that it was time to let out all my bottled up frustrations. Frustrations from this past failed cycle, from my DH's low numbers, from the Jesus conversation with my mother last night, from a surprising comment that we need to relax from my dad, from my DH making me move our appointment yet again...just from everything. And just when I thought that it could not possibly get any worse.
As I am on my way home in tears I tell God that I am just one step away..just one more "surprise we're pregant" person away from loosing it. And I stop by the mailbox and pull out the mail and walk in to my DH on the phone. He hugs me and the tears are just streaming down my face. And I'm just so close to just loosing it...just having a pure mental breakdown. And he hangs up and says "You will never guess..." And I already know what's coming. So I said, "Go ahead and tell me...it can't get any worse than it already is" And I don't know if it is because I deserve to be tortured or if it is because I am a bad person or that maybe somehow Karma if there is such a thing found me but God Almighty you have got to be kidding me!
DH tells me his friend CF and his wife just found out they are preganant. And all I can say is Holy Mary Mother Freaking WOW! Please someone tell me...Am I being punked? No seriously...Ashton Kutcher better come running out of my bedroom right now because this crap is NOT funny. This is the worst most cruel twist of nature I have ever experienced. And oh no it doesn't stop there...because my life is so funny, I open the package I got in the mail and Surprise! My Pregnancy Tests that I ordered to test for Valentines Day arrived...today...5 days late...in the middle of one of the worst days yet. I feel so special...
And because my wonderful husband wanted to add fuel to the fire he says "we just need to have more sex". Sure honey...let's try that! Because God it's not like we have been trying that for all these months. Are you kidding me?
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3 comments:
My heart aches for you as I read your post- I can just feel the sadness/anger/irritation and I know it stinks! I have to admit, I was laughing about the Ashton Kutcher thing though, I feel like that sometimes!
Hang in there!
Thanks hun! The A.K. thing was funny, even to me and these days I rarely find things humerous. Hang in there yourself sweetie! We'll get there....someday.
Bekah... Only one that has gone through all of this can understand the pain and heartache of another BFN... MAJOR HUGS coming your way. I wish I can make it all better for you...
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