Left Behind

It's funny what infertility can do to a person. After I was Punk'd last night I began thinking about how I feel like I am being Left Behind...and not in the religious sense although I am sure I need some help in that department too. I remember joining a board a while back and the 6 of us became good friends. So good in fact that we ditched the board and started emailing each other every day. As I reflected back on those days I realized that 4 of them have become pregnant, 2 of those 4 have given birth. Not that I am not happy for them, especially B who so wrongly was denied the joy of her first pregnancy. But I still can't help but feel...so left behind.

I am also in a group of women who are undergoing IUI and IVF cycles. 3 of them, already pregnant within the first month of us getting to know each other. 2 of those 3, it was their first cycle. I am happy for them but, I still can't help but feel...so left behind.

Babe and I have friends who are newly married and most of who did no planning to have a baby. Most of them have become pregnant, some of them pregnant with their second. Some of them it was a shock, some of them weren't even happy about it. I am happy for them but, I still can't help but feel...so left behind.

It's like being back in High School. Every popular girl belongs to "that club". A club I so desprately wanted to be a part of. And yet almost 10 years later I am dreading going to my class reunion because I don't want to be that unpopular girl again. The one who has friends that can intermingle with the in crowd and leaves me, behind. I want to be a part of that club, the one where conversations consist of changing diapers and breastfeeding, labor stories, and pregnancy symptoms. And yet here I am in the background, once again...left behind.

I found this article and I wanted to include it in my blog entry because it was so fitting. In order to do this properly I know I needed to acknowledge the author. So thanks to Sharon van Wyke for your article on LBS. It really hit home and helped me to realize that I am not left behind...alone.

http://www.exhalezine.com/january_2009/leftbehindsyndrome.html