Who is that knocking on my chamber door?

Oh look...it's lovely AF. She is like that bad relative that always invites themselves to your house and never wants to leave. Uggh so annoying! So as a recap...

• No, using the OPK's didn't work for us this time
• No, using the Soy Iso hasn't worked for us in the past three months
• No, laying on my back and actually falling asleep after BD didn't work for us this time
• No, squeezing my va jay jay muscles together all night to keep it in didn't work for us this time
• Heck No, trying to get pregnant by any method hasn't worked for us in the past year.

YIKES! It scares the C-R-A-P outta me knowing that we have been "not preventing" since 2007 and "actively trying" since 2008. I tell you what though, this au natural thing isn't really working for me. Time to move on and try the Clomid again. Maybe it will work for us both this time. We have also been seriously considering doing one more IUI. Who knows...third time might just be a charm.

In other news: The diaper cake business is coming along...thanks to my friend Jess. You are the bomb girlfriend! I have several requests for the upcoming months and I know that will bring me more requests...I need some business cards, LOL!

In teaching news: My first set of classes are hectic! Mostly because it is a lot of work but also because I don't really know a whole lot about the subject matter. Yes, it is weird that I am teaching a class for which I know nothing about the content. But hey, I have a MBA and I'm smart so I guess they saw something in me. Hopefully, I will be offered a PT postition.

New Home Based Business

......Diaper Cakes!!! So if you know anyone who is preggo then think of me. I have a new blog dedicated to it so take a look at my very first cake. I think it is pretty good for a first attempt.

Check it out: http://pampermecakes.blogspot.com

Survey Says....

Negative. So that means my surge is done and I am probably O'ing or already O'd. My CM has already started to dry up which is usually my main indicator that I have O'd. So with that being said...

Excuse me while I go make a baby!

Positively Positive

My IRL friend "D" and I decided that we would purchase the CBE Digital OPK's this month. It was a very ironic situation that happened to us which leads me to feel that we are both going to get our BFP's this month. So the story goes...

Last month D and I had our cycles almost a week apart. So we searched on the internet for the best price for the CBED because let's face it...Drugstores are a ripoff. D found her's for around 24 bucks and mine was around 18 bucks. Her OPK's arrived on Saturday and she took the first one which was...positive.

So naturally, because I have been doing this whole baby making thing for a year now I figured I had my cycle down pat. I watch my CM, wait for O pains, and time intercourse just so. I don't really need the OPK's but since Babe saw the commercial on TV then I got them. My OPK's arrived on Monday and just out of sheer curiousity, I decided to take one. Imagine my utter shock when the test came back...

So I popped the strip out and evaluated the lines. Humm close but I would not have judged that as a positive if it were just a regular line test. So I texted Babe and told him we have the green light. Today, I decided I would test again just to see if it was a fluke or something. After all I always ovulate on the 15th day of my cycle right....

WRONG AGAIN....The test at 2pm today showed another

And once again I wanted to see what the lines read. It was a definite positive! Here is the progression of the test from yesterday and today @ CD11 and CD12.

So what do I make out of all of this? Well it is simple really...I may or may not have been timing my BD sessions right. When you do something so much sometimes you get complacent. Well, I should have been using these smiley face kits all along because I am convinced that it may be just one part of the reason we haven't become pregnant yet. I suspect the soy iso has something to do with this early ovulation!

An Award...For Me?

Wow! I am floored! Thank You a million and one times to Jess (http://www.babyparamore.blogspot.com/) who gave me this wonderful award. I can't honestly say that I thought my blog would inspire anyone nor did I realize that anyone was really reading it. It is nice to know that someone cares. Again, Thanks!

Here are the Honest Scrap stipulations:

1. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find interesting and engaging

2. Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog and leave a comment informing them that they have won the "Honest Scrap Award"

3. List at least 10 honest things about yourself

7 Blogs that are interesting and engaging...

1. Jenn: http://www.jennepper.com/
2. Wifezzilla: http://wifezzilla.blogspot.com/
3. JackieMac: http://whenohwhenwillitbe.blogspot.com/
4. PJ: http://infertilityonthebrain.blogspot.com/
5. Murgdan: http://murgdan.blogspot.com/
6. Megan: http://bottomsoffandonthetable.blogspot.com/
7. Lindsay: http://itisntthateasy.blogspot.com/

10 honest things about ME

1. I am really very self conscious. I know that I am a beautie but for some reason I can't stand to look at myself most times.
2. I love to cook...so passionately so that I will open up a restaurant one day.
3. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life even though I pretend that I haven't.
4. I often feel that my IF is caused by my mistakes and that I am being punished.
5. I want to experience the joys of pregnancy so much so that I often ball clothes up and make myself a mock belly. I know it isn't normal but I don't give a shit.
6. I love attention!
7. I am a giver. I give to others more than I should and I often neglect my well being because of this.
8. I don't like people who pass judgement on others due to their beliefs. It really irritates me!
9. I have a jealous nature.
10. IF has brought me to this low place that I NEVER thought I would see. It has also made me stronger.

My Saturday

Today I have done nothing but purchase baby items for my co worker "E" and watch "A Baby Story" all day. I know it seems weird but, it is the only thing I have right now. I have been in "Baby Mode" for the whole week. Probably because I am close to O'ing. In any event...I really need to try not to go overboard with the money spending. I did it when my SIL became preggo and now that I know what "E" is having, I just bought a whole bunch of blue stuff for her shower.

I also wanted to send a formal Thanks to Jess, who began following my blog faithfully a few months ago. Thank you for your support and I am so sorry about your loss.

Babe and I had an interesting conversation today. It went like this..

Babe: Do we have any fertility pills left. (Referring to Clomid)
Me: No but the Rx is still fillable at Walgreens.
Me: Why? Do you want me to take them?
Babe: Yeah, can you?
Me: I could....but I shouldn't without monitoring. We would end up with quads!
Babe: (shrugs) Well at least we could have them all at once and be done.

Disclaimer: I would like to let you all know that I would NEVER consider doing this. But I did think about it...deeply... for a brief moment.

In other non baby related news: I will begin teaching my first two online classes in 2 weeks. I can't believe it. I am excited and a bit nervous now because a lot of time has lapsed since the training and the classes. I am sure I will do fine.

Why I Love My Husband

Let me start off by saying that Babe and I haven't always seen eye to eye on things. We both have family and career on two very different levels of importance. But recently, Babe has become more aware of how IF sucks and the difficulty that I face on a daily basis.

We had already been discussing the sheer gall of people nowadays. How many times does one person have to ask about us having babies. Sometimes, I think it is funny to them to watch us squirm as we try to diplomatically answer their questions. Other times, I think that they know we are having trouble and they just want us to confirm so that the gossip train can start.

Recently, Babe and I were at the gas station and ran into someone who I knew would ask about our babymaking efforts. I can spot them a mile away, really I can, and this one had it written all over her face. I put on a fake smile and greeted her as Babe continued to pump gas. No sooner than the hug was exchanged it happened...

Her: So whats going on with the babies?
Me: Huh?
Her: Why is it taking so long? It's been forever. What's going on with you guys? When are you going to have a baby?
Me: (Deer in Headlights Look)
Babe: Well, we are just having fun right now.
Her: (Slightly uncomfortable with the visual I'm sure) Oh okay well do your thing then. I was just thinking that it is taking a long time.
Babe: Yeah we are really enjoying the practice.
Me: (Still staring with that DIH look)..Chuckle.
Babe: Diverts the conversation elsewhere.

Phew...I told Babe that I was very grateful that he saved me because I almost died there. He agreed and said that he noticed I was stuck and in distress so he decided to jump in. If I never appreciated my husbands quick witt, I surely did this day. Thanks Babe...that was a close one!

In other news: I am doing one more cycle of Soy before I break. There is no real way to tell if it is helping or not since my issue was mainly discovered by ultrasound. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I am one of those women who do ovulate regularly and AF arrives right on time but I don't ever know if the ovulation is strong enough for a pregnancy. Since this is the month that marks our first year of ttc after the official diagnosis, I will be using OPK's along with the soy. If no BFP this month, I will gingerly bring up another IUI to Babe. I feel like it's time.

Rounding the Year Mark and Still No Baby

Since my last post I have gone MIA. I have been around, but things got too stressful with the IUI's and BFN's and all that jazz in between. Babe and I decided to take a mental break from it all. We are now trying things the natural way and although there hasn't been much success, it is a little less stressful on our relationship.

Since my last post I have also:

• Had a SIL who gave birth to a baby girl


• Found out that Babe's cousin was pregnant


• Found out that a co worker is pregnant


• Found out that said co worker's SIL is pregnant with #2


• Found out that an internet friend is pregnant with #2


• Endured Mother's Day


• Endured Father's Day


• Endured at least 20 people asking me on 20 different occasions when we were going to have kids.

I am proud to announce that I am still here and stronger than before. But who am I kidding really? Everyone knows that infertility breaks a persons spirit. I am okay with that but it is a hard pill to swallow to see Babe's spirit broken. He is my stregnth and my protector. But recently, he has been clearly expressive about the "unfairness" of it all. I do believe he is finally "getting it". Unfortunately, "getting it" doesn't get us a baby.

Next month will be another year for us. It will probably be the hardest month to see a BFN. We both had a reflection today. How is it possible that there are millions of women out there who don't want children and yet keep having them so easily while millions of women who do want children can't have them at all? Babies being born to teens who are just babies themselves. Babies being born to drug addicts. But, yet women who have good jobs and are financially stable, highly educated, warm loving hearts, suffer with the curse of infertility? Life is royally screwed!

Oh and Have a Happy Fourth of July!