Bleeding, Bedrest, and BETA's

IUI's are complete. I am still thinking back to my first IUI. When I was so excited and carefree. When the RE did the procedure himself and all I got was a little bit of spotting. These two IUI's were completely different. They sort of made me not want to do them again. Maybe I am just a wuss...yeah that is probably it!

IUI#1 was done by the IVF coordinator. She is very impersonable to begin with and I have never been fond of her. First of all, a speculum is not enjoyable no matter how gentle you try to be. Imagine my surprise when the IVF coordinator rammed it up my va jay jay. OUCH! At least the cathether went in smoothly...semi smoothly. Needless to say I had some bleeding afterwards which I wasn't happy about. And Babe's count was only 4 million post wash. *Sigh*

IUI #2 was done by the NP who I love very dearly. I was praying that I would get her or the RE because I just knew she would be gentle. And she was...at least until she decided to inject the specimen so forcefully that my uterus actually cramped up. Yes you heard me correctly. Again I had some bleeding afterwards and quite a bit more than the first time. I didn't expect to get too much cramping so when I couldn't stand up b/c of the immense pressure in my lower abdomen I really freaked out. I went home, took two tylenol, and put myself on strict bedrest! Today I feel much better.

Babe's count was 4 million post wash this time too. At least it didn't decrease, right? *Double sigh* The only hope I have right now is coming from all my internet friends and the RE's office. The NP actually said that between the two days the numbers were enough to produce a pregnancy and especially since I had three ripe eggs. She was very confident that I would get pregnant this time which was a nice change from the last time. My internet friends are so good with the encouragement and as they so dutifully remind me..."It only takes one".

On another note: My BETA is scheduled for Friday 4/10 which is conveniently the same day that AF is due. This is also Good Friday which may be a good sign. Babe and I are planning a weekend getaway so I am already preparing myself for the worst. I will be getting drunk if nothing else.

Even better than before!

Good Morning friends,

Let me just say that I am so proud of my scholarly ovaries. As if 2 mature follicles weren't enough last time...yes friends the ovaries have done it again. I have 3 mature follicles this go round. Two are measuring at 19 and one at 21. This has got to be it!

I was like a proud mama this morning as the IVF coordinator told me my scan was beautiful. Lining is good and I have some nice plump eggs. We are anticipating that my estrogen level will be just as nice and hopefully my progesterone will be better than the last time. I felt like walking out of there with my chest stuck out and I did!

The doctor came in personally to talk to me about the risk of multiples. I almost chuckled in his face because hello..I would be happy to get how many ever God chooses me to house in my warm cozy uterus. But I held it back and just politely said, "Yes, we are fine with those risks and we do want to proceed".

Just for kicks...I have a 5% chance for triplets, 10% chance for twins, and 20% chance for a singleton. I would be ecstatic with just one but I don't really care if it is more at this point. Also they mentioned that my progesterone last time was a bit borderline considering I had two eggs last time. I'm sure it will be much better this time.

So my IUI is scheduled for tomorrow at 10 and Friday at 10. Pray for me and Babe!

Fed Up with Fed Ex

Fed Ex can kiss it! I am so ticked off with them right now...they are unbelievable. I verified my HCG order on Saturday and they shipped it out on Sunday to arrive today. The lovely fertility pharmacy...most of you know which company I am speaking of...are always so nice and they specifically placed attn:leasing office so I wouldn't have any trouble.

Well I told my supervisor I needed to leave 30 minutes early so I could get my package. I called the leasing office and they said that the package hadn't arrived. I thought it was weird but I just figured it would come tomorrow. Well I called Babe as I usually do and he said I missed my package delivery.

So I call Fed Ex and Mr. Rudepants proceeds to tell me that he couldn't deliver the package to the office because it has to be signed specifically by me or "someone" in #106. O.....K..... So I tried to tell him that this wasn't the first time I had gotten this specific package from this specific company but the jerk cuts me off and says that "THIS" package can't be delivered from the front office. So I am royally pissed by now..I am steaming and slightly borderline panicked.

Well I tell him that I am going to call the company and have them handle it. Well I called and boy were they pissed. The lady said that it was the first time they have ever done that and that she was going to get a manager on the phone if they give her any guff. Well she said that she would only call back if she had trouble and I didn't get a call back so....

We will see what happens tomorrow.

Countdown to follie check

In case you haven't noticed...there is this cute little widget on the sidebar of my blog page that is counting down the days to my follie check. I am consumed with several different emotions right now. Scared, Excited, Nervous, Anxious...and the list goes on and on. I can't help but replay my last treatment cycle in the back of my mind. Over and over...like that movie Groundhog Day. Also, I am trying to keep from adding too much pressure on Babe with the whole "Take your effing Clomid gosh dang it because hell if I can remember Clomid, 1 baby asprin, 1 folic acid pill, and 1 prenatal, then surely you can remember to take a measley 1/2 a pill a day...geeze"

So I took the pills out of the blister pack and even cut them in 1/2 for him while lovingly mentioning that they were on the counter...pre cut. I am a bit frustrated by this but I know he is under loads of pressure right now from other life events so I am really, really trying to behave and not go on a rampage about him forgetting his meds. Really...am I being that unreasonable? It's....1/2 of a pill!!!! Anyway...I am off my soap box now.

In other news...I really tried not to let anyone at work know about the upcoming treatment cycle but somehow everyone seemed to have figured it out. But then again I guess it isn't that hard when I had to put in for three days in a freakin' row. I just hate the pressure of having to tell everyone after the TWW is up of the results. I do feel better prepared for whatever results we will get after this treatment cycle. I just can't wait to get these IUI's on the road.

Moving on and moving up

Excuse me while I bore you with the details from the doctor's appointment today. I'm not complaining because I always like to keep my ultrasound dates as short as possible but I did want to make mention of how ridiculous IF is.

1. Said girl drives an hour to RE.
2. Said girl waits in waiting room for 5 minutes.
3. Said girl has her date with the ultrasound wand (for a total of 4 minutes)
4. Said girl receives Clomid prescription, HCG paperwork, and next appointment.
5. Said girl shells out $300.00 for a 30 minute appointment.
6. Said girl drives an hour back home and wonders when it will ever get easier and more convenient for her since she is the one suffering with IF.

So as you can see, the appointment was pretty boring and routine. I have just been thinking about how fast a treatment cycle flies and how slow a natural cycle crawls. I can't believe I will be going back on next Wednesday for my mid cycle scan and possibly be inseminated Thursday and Friday of...gulp...Next Week!

In other news...Clomid seems to be taking effect much faster as I am already breaking out in a sweat while typing this update. I only took my first pill today..geeze! Well I will have more for you next week and hopefully I won't have the luxury of blogging about my s/e of this devil drug.

Envy is not cute.

Envy is not a quality that I tend to exhibit. But today I am releasing my inhibitions. Why you ask? Well apparently I have what is called pregnancy envy. Well that isn't something that should shock any of you all because hey..we are dealing with infertility here. But what is even more sad is that not only do I have pregnancy envy but I also have bump envy.

Yes you heard me...double envy. I am ashamed. If anyone is curious about the difference read this article.

I am expriencing the beginning of AF. She is so freakin' aggravating. Why won't she just leave me alone? On top of this...I learned last night that the whole TTC and infertility thing is affecting my marriage negatively. And of course because I am a magnet towards ironic situations I also learned today that two more girls on one of my boards are pregnant. I am happy for them but so so sad for myself. Sad because I still don't know what it feels like to see two lines. Sad because I have never had the experience of surprising my husband and watching his face light up and his chest stick out. Sad because our relationship is suffering and we have so much love for each other...why can't we have a baby to share all that love with? Sad because I don't think that anyone in this world can understand what I am feeling except for those who unfortunately are also in my shoes.

And in other news...

Today I cried. I usually cry when something upsets me or when I have a fight with my husband or when I realize that I have just gone through yet another failed cycle. But today I didn't cry for any of these reasons...no I cried because of someone else's happiness. I cried because I found out someone was pregnant. This....has never happened before. I can usually smile it off or ernestly be happy for them....not today. This....is how I know that it may be time to re evaluate things. It may be time to take a break.

Slacker

I know I have not been posting to my blog but the truth is that I haven't really had anything interesting to say. I have however had so many people asking me to update my blog which was surprising because hey...I didn't know you cared so much!

I am in a transitional phase right now. We took the month off from treatments because 1) Babe wanted to and 2) Because my mental state really needed a vacation. So obviously I am not all that excited about the outcome of this month but I have had several symptoms that threw me off for a bit. I'm back now.

Since I have no clue when I actually ovulated..yes I know that is probably shocking for most of you all to believe since I am the ovulation expert, I have no clue when I will be getting AF. I am assuming that by the EWCM and pinches I probably O'd sometime around the 25th of February. And yes, that was waaaaay early for me. And by that assumption I can only deduce that I will get AF on Wednesday. I will say that I am secretly hoping she lost her directions.

The good news is that if she does find her way to my house then I will be preparing to enter another month of fun fertility treatments...Yay. Hopefully the second time will be the ticket. I'll keep everyone posted.